I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no, he came in my armpit
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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