Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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