Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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