Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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