did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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