I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
