YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
