she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
