I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
