I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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