you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
