It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
