Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
