You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
