Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
