Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
