We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
