It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
