Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Randomize
