I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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