I wanna passion pit in your ass
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
