the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
