Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
