He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
