the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
