Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
