dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
