he shaved USA in his pubs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
