Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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