now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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