Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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