Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I party with great urgency now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
