can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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