Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
