don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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