Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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