Dual....:-)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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