im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
