You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How external is "for external use only"?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
