That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
