we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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