I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the day after is always just damage control
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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