Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
