Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ruined the universe
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
