In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
