Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
