I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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