Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
