Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
