i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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