i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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