Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
