Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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