Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
